There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
