Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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