I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
