it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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