We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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