Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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