yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
