Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
