im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
