I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
