i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
