i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
