And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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