I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
