My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
