perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
