I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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