when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
