Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
