and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
