Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
