And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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