I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pants are for mortals
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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