I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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