Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She bit a glass in half.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
