And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
