Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she peed on how many people?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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