plz talk dirty to me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
