I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
