somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
