Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
