I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
