My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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