so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize