This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
