I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
