Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
