You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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