life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
