Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
