true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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