I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You have to summon your inner elephant
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
