I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
