D3 body, D1 cock
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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