p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
