and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
