Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
