okay pat passed out under dana's car
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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