i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
