I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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