the day after is always just damage control
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
